Thankful Tuesdays (a day later)

Well, good morning! Yesterday, I started a post with the title, "Monday Madness". I wanted to be light hearted but it was a getting a little deep and my head was hurting so I stopped figuring I was going to finish writing it last night. It didn't happen. But I might keep that title for Mondays. And on that note, Thankful Thursdays sound so much better than Thankful Tuesdays but since Thursday is too far away and I have a lot to be thankful for, I'll keep the Thankful Tuesdays.

(Thanks for reading as I "thought" out loud.)

I have a lot to thankful for especially after a semi hard week last week.

Never ask your husband deep questions before going to bed. There was something that he said that put my insecurity on high alert. And I had to ask before we went to bed. Seriously, April!

Before your mind starts going wild, I'll just say, I have a good husband. We're not perfect but perfect for each other.

Anyways, speaking of insecurities,  a small group of friends at church are going through this book by Beth Moore called So Long, Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us. Isn't that the truth? Our group leader warned us that we may experience more insecurity, etc as we go through this book because there is a lot of truth being spoken and there is a real enemy of our souls, the devil, that doesn't want us hearing the truth. He'd rather have us wallow in the lies we've been told and continue to listen to lies we are led to believe, like, "you're not a good wife", "you're not a good mother", "if your friends knew how depressed you get, they would leave", "if you don't stay such and such a size, your husband will leave you", "you messed up again, how can God love you", etc. But in the end we will learn how to handle it. So there is hope!

So when my husband said what he did, not meaning to hurt me or send me into a tail spin of my own thoughts, I felt like I was battling by myself.

Man, I was asking God to help me!

It wasn't until last night when I talked some to my mother that I felt some of the burden starting to lift. She encouraged me to pray with my husband (which we had been doing but decided to do it on a more consistent basis). When I have prayed with my husband, he has spoken things out loud to God that have touched my heart not because he was speaking eloquently but that he was being honest and speaking from his heart and in turn I'm like, "you were thinking that? Wow..."

Then after talking with my mother, I went to my study group on this book and man, I love those women! They are SO honest! It's so refreshing to be around women who are not trying to impress or throw around airs and such. It's like breathing fresh air, not like a boa constrictor choking off my air supply.

I'm SO thankful for these women. Not only are they honest but they are safe! For the short time that I have known some of them, I feel thus far like I can trust them.

So today, I'm thankful for my thoughtful husband who suggested we get up earlier in the morning (since he has school in the late afternoons) spend some time together while he makes breakfast, do a short study (if I'm not rushing. I'm so slow getting ready in the mornings). We'll get into the flow of things. I'm thankful for an understanding mother who has a listening ear, who doesn't try to get all up in my marriage business, but is there to give wisdom. And I'm so thankful for honest, transparent women! Oh to be more like them. I'll be working on that.

What are you thankful for today?

Love,

Mrs. M

Dog Fridays

I don't know what I would do without our fur baby. There is nothing like having your own dog. Yes, they can be a lot of work.

MEET NALA!

I did talk about her a little bit in another post. She has such a sweet temperment and everyone she meets, loves her (or so I would like to think).

When I first met Nala, it was with a defensive bark that she announced my arrival to Adam's dad's home. There she was with one bulging eye and the other normal eye. Adam and I were on our way to the "happiest place on earth", which we would consider that to be our very first date! 

I didn't see Nala again until Adam came home from Iraq. She could have been Bob Marley's sister. (sorry Bob). She had knots that turned into dreads and she was a bit dirty. And by then her once one normal eyeball developed a cataract. She went blind.

I would come over to Adam and his roommates place and I tried to be Nala's friend but you could tell that she loved her daddy alone. She was nice and all, as a dog could be but she still didn't know me. I mean to her, all I was was the daily visitor to hang our with her dad.

There was a time that Adam asked if I could check up on her and maybe take her for a walk while he was out to see. We even took a cute picture to send to her dad.

About a year and some months later, Adam asked me to be his wife! And with that I would acquire Nala! Yay! I had never had a dog of my own. We had some getting used to, to do.

Adam left for deployment and Nala went to Adam's dad's place to stay for the 6 or 7 months he was to be gone.

I probably should have visited more often but I didn't because I was preparing me and Adam's wedding. I went to visit her once and she immediately ran to my father-in-law because she just didn't know me. Well, I thought we should have some bonding time and we went for a walk. Unfortunately,  there was no real connection. I know what you are probably thinking, I'm worse than the cat lady. But you fur parents know what I'm talking about. So I took her back to my father in law's house, hung out for a bit longer and then left. Sad.

Months later, Adam FINALLY came back from deployment and he later went to go get his baby. Home at last!

A couple of weeks later, we went to go look at several homes before we settled on one. It was so nice inside! I then remembered how poor Nala, she was still cute but dirty rasta dog.

We put in our application and we bought the house! Adam moved in a week before we were to be married and I moved my stuff in and held onto the things I needed to live at my parents house for that week.

I requested that before letting Nala in the house, could he have her groomed. She could have fleas or other pests for all I knew!

One of those days that week, I went over to do some wedding decorations, and as I walked into the door, I saw the cutest dog ever!!! I have never seen her so clean! The groomer cut her hair short, washed her clean, and put a purple tulle bow on her! She was gorgeous! She looked like a puppy! I hugged her and smelled her. Up until that point, I don't think I ever hugged her so close.

That weekend I became a Mrs. and a fur momma!

Fast forward............................................................................

As time went on, Nala's eye with the cataract started to deteriorate rather badly. And the eye that had been bulging was now sunk in. After asking Adam to take her to the vet on differenct occasions, I took her. The doctor said that there was nothing they could do except to take both of her eyes out.

The next week, I think, I took her to the hospital to have her eyes removed. Ahh, poor baby!

I was at home when they said it was okay to finally come get her and bring her home. Adam had duty that night.

I went to the hospital. They brought her out with a cone around her head and stitches where her eyes used to be. Aww, the bride of frankenstein. :( She wagged her tail when she heard my voice.

I walked her outside and it was then I realized that she was still drugged out. She plopped down. I lifted her into the car, trying to be as gentle as I could but she was heavy. Wow! On our way home, I called my mom, sad for my dog as she whimpered so sadly because she was in pain. My mother, who is so sweet and considers Nala her granddog, asked me to put the phone to Nala's ear. My mother prayed a sweet prayer and as she prayed, Nala quieted down and listened.

That was one of the longest nights of my life! I almost felt like I had a newborn. Every whimper, I was checking on her. Every move, I was like, are you okay, do you need to go to the bathroom?

But you know what? Something happened. Something changed between Nala and I. That's the night where Nala and I bonded. It was then she knew how much I loved her and it was then that she accepted me as her fur mom.

Granted her dad will always take top priority! But she knows me now. And I love my fur baby!

Love, Mrs. M

My hair might be making me fat!

While I was getting ready for work one morning, listening to talk radio like I usually do, a commentary caught my eye. But before I go there, let me give you a little history.

I have never really liked hard core exercise. I HATED P.E. in high school. So long story short of it, if I felt fat, I took "control" by having breakfast in the morning and hardly eating anything during the day and then having dinner. But then there were other times where I would have have breakfast, lunch, and dinner but the portions were a small decent size. I wasn't into a lot of snacking, I was into chewing gum and eating ice. I thought that was one way to control my eating too much.

There came a point where my sister thought I was starving myself and looking back maybe I was but not to the extreme of anorexia. One co-worker told me she envied me because of how skinny I was; another co-worker bought me a sandwhich because he thought I was too skinny. And the struggle went on.

I would have spurts of working out, like rollerblading or riding my bike, even walking through several neighborhoods until my friend who use to police that area nearly begged me not to exercise around that neighborhood by myself because she has seen some unpretty scenes as an officer.

I did have a treadmill, which I broke because I stepped on it wrong. I also LOVED to dance in my room. That's exercise right?

One reason, I didn't like exercise because it would cause me to sweat, which the sweat would poof out my hair in a lot of places on my head and I couldn't do anything about it until I got home and even then I couldn't straighten my hair out every day. Talk about the damage that would do! I'm the black woman who would wash her hair like once a week or week and a half and then straigten my hair and try to keep it maintained between washings. So keeping my hair in check was an issue. I was not about to chemically straighten my hair!

I took my not exercising to another level because it was then I started to get my hair done professionally. They did such a good job and it was expensive to get my hair done every other week! I was like, I'm not sweating this out! And then when I would get my hair braided, they were careful to tell me not to sweat out my hair especially if it was synthetic hair. So I blame the hair!

But then, I started to wear my hair natural. HALLELUJAH!  I was free but stuck in the frame of mind that I don't like exercising. Not only that but I started to eat more and move less, especially when I got married. Which by the way, is really no excuse!

So as I was listening to that commentary, the lady said that black women's hair is making them fat. From experience, I can agree with that.

But, alas, I  have no excuse! My hair is natural, my body is screaming at me to get moving, and my intention is to run a half marathon. (Laugh card)

I have a cousin, who use to be heavier than I and she trained her way to running her first half marathon! The other day she encouraged me to take it one day at a time!

Today, is the day to get moving. Won't you join me?

Private or Public

There is something about sharing your life with a few people but sharing your life with just more than a few people is a whole other story.

There is a reason why people like me are drawn to classy magazines such as People, InTouch, and the sort. There is this fascination with other people's lives.

I really started to have this fascination, curiousity, or whatever you want to call it, maybe just being human, in my early 20s. I had this idea of being somewhat of a personal journalist. I thought that by getting to know others, I would gleam some wisdom and maybe even get to know myself a little bit better. So I brought a little tape recorder (before digital came out, I think) and a willing heart to listen and learn.

My first "subjects" was my cousin and her then husband. They told me of their lives as a married couple. Being single I was intrigued and wanted to know how they lived as a married couple. At some point in the interview I felt a little bit uncomfortable because my then cousin in-law was back handedly putting my cousin down in a very self righteous way, in the fact that he did his devotions and she did not. He read the Bible and she didn't (?). Well, if he was really reading his Bible, he would have lifted his wife up to the Lord in prayer instead of badger her and put her down for not walking the way he thought she should be walking.

I've since listened to that recording in disgust and they have since divorced. I HATE divorce but he wasn't changing and there was so much more nastiness that came out of that marriage then I would ever know or dare to put here.

Later, instead of being really interested with other's stories, I started to become more introspective. And for an introvert, that can sometimes be dangerous, in the lesser sense. So that recorder that I had to record people's stories, came to record some of my own stories.

I have gone back to memory lane listening to some of those recordings and I can't help but either laugh out loud at some funny antics or comebacks that were said or cringe in horror at some of those memories of heartaches of relationships past.

Needless to say, those tapes are buried in a drawer somewhere.

Now that I have access to Blogger, YouTube, Facebook, people's lives are out there! Mine is too in a way.

So I have a couple of questions. Maybe a few.

~How much is too much information?

~Are we really connecting with society or people that we call friends through Facebook or YouTube?

Trust me, I am not bashing FB or YT because I have and am using them for some much needed connection and information.

As much as I want to share my life with others and maybe through it encourage others, I'm still struggling with what to share.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Love,

Mrs. M

P.S. There is this show on Public Radio called This American Life.  I think he had the same idea as I had but his got feet and ran. Listen to it sometime :)