Test results, a good cry, dog love, and Thanksgiving

So the last I wrote was on Friday of last week. When I called the doctor's office, they were closed! So I thought I had to wait until this week to get the test results for both my husband and I.

After my boss let us off early (bless his heart), I happily went home. After kissing my husband and after he got the mail and put it on the counter, I saw the envelope.

I ripped that thing open so fast, I'm sure, hoping for the best. And then as I scrolled down the page, my heart started to sink. As the doctor listed the hormones, what levels they should be at (normal) and what levels they were, I was like wow! I went over it with my husband who was standing by the stove and was listening. I'm sure his heart was sinking too, he didn't know what to say.

I had to go outside.

I walked up the hill, hurt. I turned back and my husband was not there but our dog was, making her way, blindness and all without me coaxing her, all the way up those stairs. I sat down, crying, thinking, praying, crying, thinking too much.

Then she sat with me, nudging me to pet her, and then opened her mouth in her cute dog-like way (it looked like she was smiling). It was like she was saying, "It's all gonna be okay, Momma." I'm so grateful that we have her! I love that dog! My husband said that he has never seen her so affectionate as she has been since this last year. I think it's because she needed a woman in her life *wink, wink*.

My husband eventually made his way up the stairs, sat next to me, hugged me and kissed me, reassuring me in the way he does, trying to help me see that we have options.

After sitting there for a little bit, I asked if he still wanted to go hiking, he said yes.

So we made a stop at McDonald's (I know, I know not healthy), ate and then made our trek to Cowles Mountain. Headache and all, we made it to the top and it was beautiful! I'm glad that we did it.

By the way, my husband got his test results, and he's perfect!

Though I don't totally understand this whole process, God does and He knows what's best. There are plenty of women who have gone ahead of me in this journey and the ones that I know personally have come out on the other side with babies in their arms, through fertility drugs or through adoption. And they are better women for it.

I think the next steps for me besides getting my walk on, is changing my diet, to include more fruits, vegetables, and grains, you know the things I probably should be doing anyways. And it looks like caffeine and wine may have to go away. Ahh!

I could go on and on with this post, maybe later.  When I look on the downside, it's depressing but when I choose to look on the upside of things, there is hope! I really do have so much! God loves me so much that He gave me His Son and I choose to believe, I have a husband who loves me, I have true friends that I can count on one hand that I can talk to and be myself, I have a job that this past year has been the bomb since I have been given the opportunity to travel to and fro (and my husband has been able to come with me), and so much more!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving y'all!

~Mrs. M

Keep on walking and TMI (you have been warned!)

I never knew what it was like to gain the Freshmen 15 until now. I call it the Married 15. At first it was okay. With the weight came bigger breasts (at least in my league) and my husband was/is happy with that but then everything else started to fill out and hang over. To some, not a big deal. To me, it's a pretty big deal plus I have to live in this body. When you turn around to sit at a table and hit the table with your love handle in the process, there is an intervention that needs to take place.

Since my blood test last week to see where my "fertility levels" were, I've been thinking. Does my weight have anything to do with our difficulty in having a family? No, I'm not obese just a little overweight according to the charts. And since February, my cycle has not run it's regular 28 day cycle. I've gone anywhere from 25 to 28 days. Now for those ladies who like to chart their ovulation or when they ovulate, I started to chart only according to the days in my cycle and when I think I would ovulate, I thought around the 14th day. But when I look at it, I think I have been doing it all wrong. I've yet to take my temperature. I've done the OPKs and the cervical mucus. I think temperature might be next. Right now, I'm just waiting to hear about the outcome of the blood tests.

When I think about getting pregnant, one of the things I think about is carrying a healthy child, which means I probably will be gaining weight, at the most 20 pounds. As it is, 20 pounds seems like a lot on top of the 15 or more I have already gained. Don't get me wrong, I'll happily carry around that extra 20 pounds, if it means having our very own baby.

So what is the plan? I'm gonna start walking. And it all started last holiday weekend. My husband and I decided to walk hike Cowles Mountain. Round trip, that's about 3 miles of dirt and incline. Great workout! Even our precious blind dog made it to the top. If she could do, I need to continue to do it! And that's where it all started. The next day we hiked another trail, here in beautiful San Diego. It was a perfect day to walk! And since then, I have either been on a walk or have worked out on the elliptical at home.

My husband is talking about doing another hike this weekend! Tonight we plan on doing a night hike!

If anything other than losing some weight, the benefits abound: more energy for different activities, sleeping better, wanting to eat better, more adventures in finding places to walk, etc.

Have a wonderful weekend!

~Mrs. M

Sisters and Venting (Please don't read if you don't want to hear me vent)

Ahhh, conflict! Gotta love it! Honestly, I think some conflict is good depending how you handle it. If you don't handle conflict so well, it might not be good.

I have a cousin, who told me while she was married, that her and her husband never fight. I naively thought at the time, well that's cool. She seemed very proud of it. Well, unfortunately, it did not end too well and the relationship ended in divorce.  Is it because they didn't fight? I mean maybe if they would have talked things over with each other or even fought passionately discussed what was on their heart, would they have still been together. Probably not! When I was with them at times, I was even scared of him. I think he had a big view of himself that was too much.

As weird as it might seem, though I don't like conflict, I do, IF handled correctly. It seems at those times, I get to hear what is on the other person's heart, though I may not like it at the time but at least they are not holding it in and letting it fester and in turn neither am I.

Now comes the tale of two sisters. I have one sister that in the past she would avoid conflict sometimes at all cost. So when it came to bringing up uncomfortable subjects, she would be like, I don't want to talk about it...BUT it wasn't until she moved away to another country, that her communication skills really started to be developed! Oh, the difference!  She learned how to bring up things that were bothering her, not in a combative way, but in a way that we both could talk about it. There were times, I can remember on in particular, that when she asked me a question and it was touchy, that I just got irritated and we didn't talk all night.  The next day, I apologized and so did she, not only that but we were able to TALK through it. We talked about what happened.

I have another sister, in where there is some passive-aggressiveness going on and it is SO annoying! Our last conversation was about a EX of hers and then she started asking these questions. I increasingly started to get annoyed especially when she started to accuse me of some things. I. Lost. It. I raised my voice and said some things. Then that's when she backed down and said in tears that she didn't want to talk anymore and to pretty much have a nice life. That was the last that I heard from her.

I tried calling her cell phone which she strangely turned off. At first, I thought it was just me, but no one could reach her, not even my mother who she considers her best friend. I tried calling her work, I left a message stating that I was sorry and I don't remember much else.

Well, it was like she fell off the face of the earth. She was but hurt, not so much for what I did, though I'm sure it didn't help, but because she loved and lost.

She finally reached out to someone like a month in a half later. Apparently, she is doing fine and moving on. I still haven't heard from her.

I know that I am to forgive and move on. At times, I feel like I have forgiven her but I guess it's not complete until I reach out to her.

My mother says that she would like to reconcile. But I'm like, yeah right, if she did, she would have called. Like she did everyone else in the family.

Everything is so ugly.

There you have it the ugly side of me.

I invited my mother and dad over for Thanksgiving dinner. She just called and left a message for my parents, she also invited them over.

Dear Lord please help me!

I Voted!

(off web)

YES I DID! I'm thankful today for the freedom to vote! Thank you to all the freedom fighters who fought for my right to vote. And today I honor you but casting my vote.

Did you vote today?

It's gettin' hot in here...It's November!

Today is November 5th, one day before the elections. And it is gettin' hot! Things are heating up and I CAN'T WAIT until this election season is over!

Enough said! Or if I keep talking about it, I'll be like that cute little girl crying about how (in so many words) she is tired about hearing about 'Bronco Bama and Mitt Romney. Me too, little one, me too !

Today is November 5th, and it is hot here in these parts. It's November! Hello! Okay, I do live in Southern California. Why am I complaining? Because this weather is somewhat wreaking havoc on my skin and sinuses! I want it to be cooler and there to be more moisture in the air. Okay, granted, I should have know better, that it was better to go to the gym for a workout than work outside with weeds for a workout. Lesson learned.

Today is November 5th, one day before I go into the lab for some blood work to see where my hormone levels are. Auntie Flo came, boo! So I was told that on the 3rd day of her arrival I was to go into the lab to have some blood drawn to see where my "fertility" levels are. I'm thankful I have insurance!

Today is November 5th.

+ A day closer to Veterans day. Thank you Baby for doing your service to our country, who you now feel slighted by because they cut your contract short. Really?! I know, but God will take care of us. Thank you to all the men and women serving today.

+ A day closer to Thanksgiving - Whose house are we going to spend Thanksgiving at this year? I'm thankful for family with whom we get along with and can spend this day with.

+ And a  day closer to going to New York! Thank You God for work and for this cool opportunity to go to a place where my husband has never been. And please be with those that need help because some of them can't help themselves and comfort them right now also. Thank You! Amen!

Happy November!

~Mrs. M