Sisters and Venting (Please don't read if you don't want to hear me vent)

Ahhh, conflict! Gotta love it! Honestly, I think some conflict is good depending how you handle it. If you don't handle conflict so well, it might not be good.

I have a cousin, who told me while she was married, that her and her husband never fight. I naively thought at the time, well that's cool. She seemed very proud of it. Well, unfortunately, it did not end too well and the relationship ended in divorce.  Is it because they didn't fight? I mean maybe if they would have talked things over with each other or even fought passionately discussed what was on their heart, would they have still been together. Probably not! When I was with them at times, I was even scared of him. I think he had a big view of himself that was too much.

As weird as it might seem, though I don't like conflict, I do, IF handled correctly. It seems at those times, I get to hear what is on the other person's heart, though I may not like it at the time but at least they are not holding it in and letting it fester and in turn neither am I.

Now comes the tale of two sisters. I have one sister that in the past she would avoid conflict sometimes at all cost. So when it came to bringing up uncomfortable subjects, she would be like, I don't want to talk about it...BUT it wasn't until she moved away to another country, that her communication skills really started to be developed! Oh, the difference!  She learned how to bring up things that were bothering her, not in a combative way, but in a way that we both could talk about it. There were times, I can remember on in particular, that when she asked me a question and it was touchy, that I just got irritated and we didn't talk all night.  The next day, I apologized and so did she, not only that but we were able to TALK through it. We talked about what happened.

I have another sister, in where there is some passive-aggressiveness going on and it is SO annoying! Our last conversation was about a EX of hers and then she started asking these questions. I increasingly started to get annoyed especially when she started to accuse me of some things. I. Lost. It. I raised my voice and said some things. Then that's when she backed down and said in tears that she didn't want to talk anymore and to pretty much have a nice life. That was the last that I heard from her.

I tried calling her cell phone which she strangely turned off. At first, I thought it was just me, but no one could reach her, not even my mother who she considers her best friend. I tried calling her work, I left a message stating that I was sorry and I don't remember much else.

Well, it was like she fell off the face of the earth. She was but hurt, not so much for what I did, though I'm sure it didn't help, but because she loved and lost.

She finally reached out to someone like a month in a half later. Apparently, she is doing fine and moving on. I still haven't heard from her.

I know that I am to forgive and move on. At times, I feel like I have forgiven her but I guess it's not complete until I reach out to her.

My mother says that she would like to reconcile. But I'm like, yeah right, if she did, she would have called. Like she did everyone else in the family.

Everything is so ugly.

There you have it the ugly side of me.

I invited my mother and dad over for Thanksgiving dinner. She just called and left a message for my parents, she also invited them over.

Dear Lord please help me!