So the last I wrote was on Friday of last week. When I called the doctor's office, they were closed! So I thought I had to wait until this week to get the test results for both my husband and I.
After my boss let us off early (bless his heart), I happily went home. After kissing my husband and after he got the mail and put it on the counter, I saw the envelope.
I ripped that thing open so fast, I'm sure, hoping for the best. And then as I scrolled down the page, my heart started to sink. As the doctor listed the hormones, what levels they should be at (normal) and what levels they were, I was like wow! I went over it with my husband who was standing by the stove and was listening. I'm sure his heart was sinking too, he didn't know what to say.
I had to go outside.
I walked up the hill, hurt. I turned back and my husband was not there but our dog was, making her way, blindness and all without me coaxing her, all the way up those stairs. I sat down, crying, thinking, praying, crying, thinking too much.
Then she sat with me, nudging me to pet her, and then opened her mouth in her cute dog-like way (it looked like she was smiling). It was like she was saying, "It's all gonna be okay, Momma." I'm so grateful that we have her! I love that dog! My husband said that he has never seen her so affectionate as she has been since this last year. I think it's because she needed a woman in her life *wink, wink*.
My husband eventually made his way up the stairs, sat next to me, hugged me and kissed me, reassuring me in the way he does, trying to help me see that we have options.
After sitting there for a little bit, I asked if he still wanted to go hiking, he said yes.
So we made a stop at McDonald's (I know, I know not healthy), ate and then made our trek to Cowles Mountain. Headache and all, we made it to the top and it was beautiful! I'm glad that we did it.
By the way, my husband got his test results, and he's perfect!
Though I don't totally understand this whole process, God does and He knows what's best. There are plenty of women who have gone ahead of me in this journey and the ones that I know personally have come out on the other side with babies in their arms, through fertility drugs or through adoption. And they are better women for it.
I think the next steps for me besides getting my walk on, is changing my diet, to include more fruits, vegetables, and grains, you know the things I probably should be doing anyways. And it looks like caffeine and wine may have to go away. Ahh!
I could go on and on with this post, maybe later. When I look on the downside, it's depressing but when I choose to look on the upside of things, there is hope! I really do have so much! God loves me so much that He gave me His Son and I choose to believe, I have a husband who loves me, I have true friends that I can count on one hand that I can talk to and be myself, I have a job that this past year has been the bomb since I have been given the opportunity to travel to and fro (and my husband has been able to come with me), and so much more!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving y'all!
~Mrs. M
