Instagram Me

This was going to be a picture of our announcement but in a previous entry you saw what I used :)

So I have been seriously slacking in the blogging department. So much has gone on these past couple of months:

-My husband started a new job. Yay for employment! The Lord is good - He provided just at the right time!

-Baby M has been moving a whole lot more. I think she's going to be a dancer :) or athletic. She's 22 weeks and 1 day in utero!

-We are in the process of relocating -a ways from my family (well only 2+ hours) and closer to his family - good thing we all love each other!

-Baby M and I visited the Emergency Department and it wasn't for a field trip. I was having chest pains that would not be relieved by belching or passing gas. It hurt to take deep breaths. Even my breast hurt more than any breast tenderness I've had relating to this pregnancy. My feet and ankles just about became one. They were swollen, something that I thought was just a part of pregnancy. Which it is but when connected with chest pains, no bueno! The do did all sorts of tests which included xray for my lungs, a contrast CT scan, ultrasounds for my legs and gallbladder all in an effort to try to find blood clots. No blood clots were found, thank You Jesus! Oh and they also made me an elixir of Maalox and lanacane. I drank it with a straw, my throat went numb and relieved the pain for a tiny bit just to feel it again. They probably thought I had reflux or heartburn. Nope!  I came away with the instructions to take Tylenol if the pain continued. Their diagnosis - Pluerisy - inflammation of the lining of the lungs.

All in all the doctors and nurses were spectacular! I didn't feel like a wacko and they treated me and baby with the highest care - something that I prayed for. My visit this time around was great compared to when I was miscarrying. The doctor on the floor, actually sat down next to me and talked. He didn't stand over me like I was another crazy person. I was so grateful for that. They even fed me! I was so grateful for their care and also the fact that my cousin who drove me there and stayed with me was a real blessing! She was a trooper - we were there from approximately 4:30am until 3pm. What a full day!

I am so grateful for this pregnancy! I'm learning my limits - what I need and what I don't need, etc. I love being pregnant! I think it is so beautiful in so many ways.

Well, if you would like to check up on life's happenings every now and then check out my Instagram page. It is on privacy for now but I would love your request. You can find me at: @thisguysgirl .

Alright, until next time,

Love, Mrs. M

Technical difficulties!

Hello there! Here I am again coming to you alive and well from my work desk in Sunny San Diego!

I have been wanting to write for quite some time now and I have been unable to due to "technical difficulties" that I have experienced!

But I have been enjoying reading some of your blogs and commenting on some of them. This whole Blog lovin' thing has been a little frustrating but I think I might be getting the hang of it now.

There has been so much that has happened since the last time I have written. Here are some of the highlights (in no particular order):

- We had two weddings in October to attend - one for my uncle-in-love (literally) and one for some friends of ours. Both were beautiful!

- We celebrated our 2nd Wedding anniversary at the Welks Resort and saw Hairspray! It was relaxing and Hairspray was the highlight. Yes, I am a blessed woman!

- We went to Cabo San Lucas and I got to snorkel for the first time but that didn't happen without getting scratched up on corraled rock (ouch!). But the experience was pretty cool since I got to see pretty fish. I just hope the next time, I will be in water that is less turbulent. We did a sunset cruise which was pretty amazing! As a side note, I love the movie "The Count of Monte Cristo" and in that movie there is a part where The Count and his old friend are fighting. We got to see the point of interest that was in that movie and take a picture while in a boat. I have always wanted to see that place! And I finally did! So cool! I wish I could show you..maybe if I re-edit this piece and put in some pictures :)

- We have yet to conceive a child but I have more hope now. I stopped taking the "Magic Bullet" since my last miscarriage. I don't think that low progesterone was my problem. Since then we have seen our Specialist twice and the last appointment that I made to see her was to tell her what step of action I would like to take next. So as the time draws nearer, I will go into a little more in depth of what we will do.

- We celebrated yet another year of life for my husband's birthday!  Next year he requested a big party. Decisions, decisions!

- Some friends of ours had their first child after trying for more than 5 years. That little girl is so much more precious to them and she is the cutest little thing!

- We went to a married couples getaway with Family Life's Today- A Weekend to Remember. I want to do it again especially when we have childrend. It was so cool seeing couples there in every stage of their marriage and even the pre-marrieds. The speakers were down to earth and very transparent. I came away with tools that I hope we incorporate in our marriage. One of the many things I learned is that you are either moving toward oneness or separation. I'd rather move toward Oneness! I mean what's the purpose of getting married just to have yet another person in your life. If you are married, beside a relationship with God, your relationship with your spouse should be one of the most precious relationships you have. Your spouse is your gift! How many times I have taken that gift for granted. There is so much to say here but I'll leave it at that :)

- Adam is finishing up his schooling for welding and moving on to Green Construction. We'll see where the Lord leads as far as jobs go as well as our living situation.

- We got another puppy! Her name is Gracie. I didn't want her when he told me about the dog that he wanted to get but she is surely becoming part of the family and I do love her, no matter how much she licks me! She is quite the runner!

- My husband allowed me to go visit a dear friend in Monterrey and in that visit, I got to make some new friends. It was a blast!

Well, my friends that is all the news I have for now!

Have a wonderful day and Keep It Classy!

~Mrs. M

Where My Help Comes From...Hard Post

I started the beginning of this blog post like a month ago, meaning to write about something else and then I just saved it to draft. Looking at several drafts that I meant to post, I thought I would write one now.  This one has been hard to start. When started to write, I didn't know how to continue. Anyways, here it is, in short detail:

How do you process loss and in particular,  pregnancy loss? When you have been longing for a baby, when you have wanted to come alongside your other pregnant friends in commaraderie, when you have dreamed about this little sweet smelling bundle, when you have imagined the long sleepless nights, when you have felt the pregnancy symptoms so accutely, when you have had to get up multiple times a night because your rising hormornes and expanding uterus were causing you to pee A.LOT, when your breasts hurt ever so much each time you get up reminding you of the life that is developing inside you, you feel twinges in your uterus and other parts trying not to stress out about what that means. Then it happens.

You feel something like a period, something you were not expecting for at least 9 months. You rush to the bathroom and you see red. "Oh no! Oh no! Baby, I 'm bleeding!"

That is part of my story.

On April 20th, the day before my birthday, I woke up wondering what the day would look like. Actually, part of it would be cleaning the house and getting ready for a house building trip in Mexico. I noticed that lately I had been drooling in my sleep. I was either really exhausted or pregnant. So I decided to take a test while my husband was out finding yard sale deals.

And there it was ever so light. I could not believe it! Can it be that I'm really pregnant? So the next day on my birthday the 21st, I took another test and still faint but it was there! No way!

That day I had a little bit of spotting but later thought it was implantation bleeding.

Later that week, while in Mexico, I took yet another test and it was darker than the first two I had taken. I was so excited to show my husband and it was then that it really started to sink in for him. He was so cute, he asked, "How did this happen, what did we do different?"

That whole week, I had a little bit of insomnia and I was in awe that I was pregnant. Wow! Thank You Lord!

When we got home from Mexico, I took a digital, no TWO digital tests and they both confirmed "PREGNANT". I thought those would make great gifts for both sets of future grandparents at the birthday party my husband was throwing me that weekend! I thought to myself, it might be a little early to tell them but I couldn't wait to share and if something did happen, I didn't want us to be alone. I hate to have had fear mixed with excitement but it was my first pregnancy.

The whole experience of being pregnant was so surreal. After trying for more than a year, ever since we got married (a year and half ago) and experiencing disappointment time after time. It happened!

I didn't want to doubt that God worked miracles, because I have seen Him time after time do so many good things in my life and in others, but even this left me in shock. I was wanting to embrace this joy of being pregnant but there was at times this nagging fear in the back of my head that something could happen.

Nonetheless, we moved forward and I told a several of my really good girlfriends, who when I told them hooped and hollered, almost cried, was in awe, smiled from ear to ear, and a couple acted in guarded excitement.

Tuesday, the last day of April, the most obvious pregnancy symptoms, breast tenderness, seemed to have stopped, like as if life left me or something and then I saw some more spotting. I cried! Lord, please no. Please let this not be the end. May Your will be done but please let us keep this baby!

I went to work, really kind of out of it. It wasn't until that Thursday, I really started to snap out of it. I hung out with my friend Kaja. We went to In-N-Out and then we went shopping! That visit with her really helped pick up my spirits. I'm so grateful for good friends who have a way to pick you up when you are down.

I picked out a little outfit for our little one and a pair of booties that Kaja saw. I showed my husband and he smiled and said something about jinxing us. I hung that little outfit on my dresser. I had hope!

On Saturday, we went to a friend's son's birthday party and since it was Cinco de Mayo weekend, they served margaritas. They asked me where was mine and I just looked at them and they almost screamed when they guessed the news. I told one of them to shoosh. The other one said she understood why I wasn't telling that many people yet and how I should only tell those that if I did have a miscarriage, they would be the ones to support me. I tried to push that part out of my mind because I was just coming around to being really excited about being pregnant. It was a good day! My husband and I went to the base to watch two movies in a row. Just me, him, and the little sesame seed!

Very early Sunday morning I woke up and I couldn't really go back to sleep. For some reason I really wanted to be intimate with my husband, but I didn't want to wake him up. He seemed to be sleeping so good. So I just laid there wishing then to go back to sleep. I finally did.

Around 5 a.m. I had a really vivid dream that made me wake up and then I felt something that made me jump out of the bed and rush to the bathroom. It was so not what I wanted to see - blood.

By then my husband was awake. He rushed me to the emergency room. They did a cervix check and said it looked fine, which gave me some hope. They did some blood tests and a couple of ultra sounds.

Later that day, the doctor told us in a hurry that they didn't see anything in my uterus, a possible ectopic pregnancy because of the cyst they saw around my right ovary, that I had a negative blood type, that they will administer a Rhogam shot and that he was sorry. Then he left.

My husband and I just looked at each other, "What?!" We did some of our own research on our phones. He played some music to try to keep us occupied. And then held me as I cried. The nurse came in to offer water.

After the shot was administered, I got dressed and we left, hungry, sad, and tired. Not a good combination. He put his arm around me and said that if I needed to talk about this anytime, let him know.

We went home. My parents and his parents kept on checking up on us. After taking a long, heart breaking, sobbing shower, I called my parents back. They prayed with me and encouraged me.

I couldn't eat. Both my husband and I were both tired and I was emotionally spent, so we took a nap.

Fast forward to our visit with the OB. He gave us some hope. He said that I was still early on that they would not have really seen anything on the Ultrasound yet and the only way to find out what was going on was to take another blood test. They would get the results to us the next day.

I stupidly, went back to work the next day because I thought I was strong enough, though my manager and boss told me to take as much time as I needed.

After a women's Bible study that I went to for lunch, I went to the bathroom and it was there in the restroom that I got a call from the OB's office. The doctor that called was taking too long to say what she needed to say and then she said it. "You are miscarrying."

I left work for the rest of the week. I still couldn't believe it. Maybe I was pregnant with twins (they do run on my side of the family) and I was just losing one. I didn't have cramps, I wasn't bleeding yet. Yes, I was spotting a little but other than that was I REALLY miscarrying? I was in denial. It wasn't until this weekend that denial became reality.

Writing this, the sickness my heart feels. I can't explain it.

But through it all, God has shown me so much love and grace through my friends, family, and my husband. I had one of my girlfriends who feels so deeply, cry with me. Another friend who made us dinner. More friends who prayed for us and continue to do so. Others who have had no words to say but I know who have supported us. Phone calls from others to make sure we are okay. And others who bring some comic relief.

I don't understand why but what I do know is that God loves me. And though my heart hurts and my head is trying to wrap my mind around this, He will help me, help us through this.

In the next post, I want to talk about how having friends, sympathetic people, and caring family helps through life trials such as these.

Love,

Mrs. M

Pregnancy: Wanted

No not mine. I just needed a picture :)

Well, my friends, it has been awhile since I have written on this, I think.

This  has NEVER happened to me before and it has me concerned. As you may have read earlier, it is the desire of both my husband and I to have a little one (or how ever many God would give us :) ) Read on...

Several weeks ago, we had our first appointment to see a fertility specialist. It was such a fun and personal experience. And I don't say that lightly. I really liked the doctor that we saw, she was not awkward at all. I appreciate the fact that my husband was there, I mean it takes two to tango, right? What we had been talking about had been made more clear when a professional came into the ring. For part of our appointment, I felt like I was back in the sixth grade taking sex education: "So this is what the female anatomy looks like...this is what the male anatomy looks like...this is what happens when you put those two together." Nice!

After that bit of education, she went into what our options were: A pill (Clomid)/sex; IUI with no medication, with medication (Clomid), or with an injectible; IVF; or donor egg. *Cough, cough* I'm sorry, but no. With our options she gaves us the possible success that we might have with each. The percentages were pretty low. I sat there not wanting to start sliding in the hole of depression. "Well considering your egg count being so low, not know the quality..Clomid might be your best chance....have you considered egg donation?"

So armed with that information, a prescription for a bottle of prenatal pills and instructions on how much iron I should be taking, laughing, we headed over to another room to have a transvaginal ultrasound done. I mean you have to laugh and I'm so glad that we can laugh otherwise, we would be at each other's throats (maybe that's for another blog entry. I really hope not).

It was kindof fun having my husband in the room with me. He had NO idea what some of us women had to go through when it came to PAPs. I'm sure his face was turning a shade of red as the doctor looked at my insides or was it because it was hot. I think it was both.

As the doctor was looking with her magic wand, she said that my uterus had a nice lining, it was thick..good, good. Oh what's that? A tiny fibroid but nothing to have surgery on. Oh, let's take a look at your left ovary (while turning the wand to and fro), hmm, don't see it. Well, let's go over to the right ovary. Oh look! There it is (turning the wand to and fro. by this time it was getting very uncomfortable). Okay, okay, it looks like you have two antral follicles. Finally! She found what she wanted. Exam over!

Afterwards, my husband and I made our way to the pricing room. The lady who talked with us didn't really go over pricing and I found out why later. She gave us a packet to look at that included pricing and procedures that we might want to look into, took our cute, adorable picture ;-P, gave me a sample of the prescription prenatal pills and sent us on our way.

Before we left the doctor encouraged me to eat my fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. We went to In-N-Out afterwards. I'm sorry, that was kind of my comfort for the day.

Fast forward to today. I am 5 whole days late for my period! That has NEVER happened before at least for that long. I did take a preggo test and they have come back negative thus far. I'm waiting until Wednesday to see what happens. By the way, to my knowledge I don't have PCOS. I'm regular between 25 and 27 days. I'm on Cycle Day 33.

My husband thinks its the Prenatal Vitamins or the increase in iron. If anything it would make my period heavy, I think.

As for pregnancy symptoms which come and go: breast pains, cramping, and bloating. Other than that I feel great!

Has this ever happened to any of you who have been trying? What is your story?

Love,

Mrs. M

THESE DAYS

Today in place of Fur Fridays, let's go with "These Days".

These days, I love having the company of a good book on CD to listen to while I'm doing mindless work at work.

These days, I look forward to coming home to my fur babies, Nala (aka, Poo-Poo girl) and MoodShadow (aka, Stinky girl).

These days, at the end of the day, I LOVE cuddling with my husband and doing "naughty" things to him.

These days, I like to see what different accesories I can put with the outfit I'm wearing for the day.

These days, I love when the day goes fast so I can be HOME.

These days, I'm learning who my friends are and who I can trust.

These days, I'm grateful that God gives me grace when I mess up or sin just to get back up after asking for forgiveness and moving on.

These days, I'm learning that I'm me and you are you and I don't have to be like you but be the unique person God has made me to be.

These days, I'm learning not to compare myself with others because sometimes I have no idea what their lives are like and it's probably better to just stick with the lovely life I have.

These days, I'm learning not to react when someone gives me a dirty look or ignores me because who knows what's going on in their minds, they just might have gas.

These days, I'm doing my best to be grateful and thank God in the waiting even though my womb has yet to know the joy of having a living being growing inside it and therefore rejoicing with my close friends who are pregnant with their first, second, or third child.

These days, I have so many ideas swirling around in my head of what I would like to write about.

These days, I day dream of the day that I will be able to be a stay at home wife and mother.

These days, I love waking up to real life after a nightmare to see my husband still there lying there beside me, to hold hands with, and kiss good morning.

What are you up to these days?

Love,

Mrs. M

Out with HOPE and in with HOPE!

So it seems the older I get New Year's Resolutions are just a waste of time, especially if you are a procrastinator like me and if you like to give yourself a good mental whipping like I do when I don't meet my own expectations of myself. It's a nasty cycle.

But before I go on, I am going to back track to my last post. And as a disclaimer, I don't have pictures to show you at the moment and I wish I did because pictures make an entry so much more interesting! Sorry ladies and gents!

Earlier this month I got the opportunity to go to Buffalo, New York for work. I always look at those opportunities, though it's work, as being able to visit new places on another's dime. I work, they pay for my place to stay and my meals. It works! I thought that once I got married, I was done with traveling with my job. The total opposite has happened and you know why? Well since my husband is still looking for a job, he is free to go with me, which encourages me to apply to temporary work elsewhere. So we both get to go to places we have never been before. And even better, we get to stretch out our time to stay there or go somewhere else. Which is exactly what we did when I was done working in Buffalo.

We went to Canada! Oh Canada!

We stayed on the Niagara Falls side. Years ago, my wonderful friend Hillary and I made our way to New York.  Me single, she married and pregnant! What a trip that was. I'm still amazed that we drove to either side of New York state with just a map, an old fashion map! Now we depend on the GPS which is not always reliable. Well, Hillary and I stayed on the U.S. side of the Falls and saw the Canadian side, wishing that we could make our way over but neither one of us had our passports.

This time, I made sure I had my passport and my husband had his!

Well, needless to say, our trips, as we have come to find out, come with an adventure.

While in Buffalo, I started to have bouts of diarrhea. I thought it was because I was just anxious to see my husband whose flight had been cancelled the night before and for some reason I didn't hear that part when we talked. So my stomach was upset. Well, it didn't stop there. Every. single. time. I went to the bathroom there was my friend, diarrhea.

We hoped that it would clear up by the time we left for Canada! Well, by the time we left for Canada, I thought I was fine. So we drove the 30 minutes it takes to get there. It was so beautiful! I loved it!

That night, we decided to go to the sushi place across the street. It had a nice ambience, there were even fireworks coming from the Falls area that we could see from the restaurant's window where we were sitting. But one thing was not sitting right. You guess it, my friend..

I was up and down, up and down all night visiting my other friend, Sir Jon (aka the toilet).  My husband put his foot down and said we are going to the hospital. Well, we found one that wasn't too far away on the U.S. side. It was a women's hospital, I guess.

So after signing in and going through all the insurance procedure, signing papers, and answering questions and such, they gave me a bed in the emergency room.

They had me change and one of the first things they did was ask questions and then wanted to take blood. If anyone knows me, I HATE having my blood drawn especially by incompetant phlebotomists.

One came into my curtained area to try to draw blood from one hand and said that my vein blew. EW GROSS! And then she proceeded to press on my hand so hard like she was afraid that my blood would run out of my body, plus it felt like the needle was still in my hand. I almost wanted to pass out, I started sweating, not cool!

She tried the other hand, she blew that vein too. I think she was having a bad day! (The reason she used my hands was because she couldn't find a vein in my arm...not unusual, but some usually find it. But I'll give her this, I was probably dehydrated.)

It took up to three of them to find something and the last girl, I could have kissed her hand, she was the smart one and I told her so. She took a warm paper towel to put on my hand to make my vein swell and she got blood! It was so slow, but she got it!

So after doing xrays, urine, and blood they came up with the diagnosis. WAIT. FOR. IT...........................

TRAVELING DIAHRREA

Hilarious! I wonder where I picked that up from. TGIFs or Subway? The only two places I ate at. Hmmmm.. Oh well. They prescribed me some pills and sent me on my way.

My husband said we are not going to go traveling for awhile because something always seems to happen. I would say, okay... (but *in a whisper* I don't think we're done traveling yet).

We enjoyed the rest of our time there, wine tasting, enjoying some good food, some pretty sites, and we made it home safely!

On another note, disappointment twice over...we are not pregnant yet! Aunt Flo started to show before I left the hospital that day and she came again yesterday and I thought, I was late this time around.

But you know what? My word going out of the old year is HOPE and my word coming into the New Year is HOPE! If it wasn't for the Lord, I would not have any.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!!!

Love, Mrs. M

Test results, a good cry, dog love, and Thanksgiving

So the last I wrote was on Friday of last week. When I called the doctor's office, they were closed! So I thought I had to wait until this week to get the test results for both my husband and I.

After my boss let us off early (bless his heart), I happily went home. After kissing my husband and after he got the mail and put it on the counter, I saw the envelope.

I ripped that thing open so fast, I'm sure, hoping for the best. And then as I scrolled down the page, my heart started to sink. As the doctor listed the hormones, what levels they should be at (normal) and what levels they were, I was like wow! I went over it with my husband who was standing by the stove and was listening. I'm sure his heart was sinking too, he didn't know what to say.

I had to go outside.

I walked up the hill, hurt. I turned back and my husband was not there but our dog was, making her way, blindness and all without me coaxing her, all the way up those stairs. I sat down, crying, thinking, praying, crying, thinking too much.

Then she sat with me, nudging me to pet her, and then opened her mouth in her cute dog-like way (it looked like she was smiling). It was like she was saying, "It's all gonna be okay, Momma." I'm so grateful that we have her! I love that dog! My husband said that he has never seen her so affectionate as she has been since this last year. I think it's because she needed a woman in her life *wink, wink*.

My husband eventually made his way up the stairs, sat next to me, hugged me and kissed me, reassuring me in the way he does, trying to help me see that we have options.

After sitting there for a little bit, I asked if he still wanted to go hiking, he said yes.

So we made a stop at McDonald's (I know, I know not healthy), ate and then made our trek to Cowles Mountain. Headache and all, we made it to the top and it was beautiful! I'm glad that we did it.

By the way, my husband got his test results, and he's perfect!

Though I don't totally understand this whole process, God does and He knows what's best. There are plenty of women who have gone ahead of me in this journey and the ones that I know personally have come out on the other side with babies in their arms, through fertility drugs or through adoption. And they are better women for it.

I think the next steps for me besides getting my walk on, is changing my diet, to include more fruits, vegetables, and grains, you know the things I probably should be doing anyways. And it looks like caffeine and wine may have to go away. Ahh!

I could go on and on with this post, maybe later.  When I look on the downside, it's depressing but when I choose to look on the upside of things, there is hope! I really do have so much! God loves me so much that He gave me His Son and I choose to believe, I have a husband who loves me, I have true friends that I can count on one hand that I can talk to and be myself, I have a job that this past year has been the bomb since I have been given the opportunity to travel to and fro (and my husband has been able to come with me), and so much more!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving y'all!

~Mrs. M

When God answers is "Not Yet"

Last night my husband and I got to watch "What to Expect When You're Not Expecting". I have been wanting to see this movie for awhile now. It came out on base and I still didn't get to see it. Then it came out on Redbox but everytime that I went to go check it out, it was rented out! Until yesterday.

Yesterday, I was not feeling good at all. Now that our weather has gone from being Summer Hot to Fall Cold to Summer Warm, my body is trying to adjust to this weather. When the weather vacillates like this, I tend to get a cold. I'm trying to fight it.

Anyways, so after taking a decent nap and my husband picking up some Thai food (my comfort food when I'm sick), we settled down in the Living room to watch the movie.

It wasn't all that I expected it to be but I'm glad I watched it. It contained several story lines, from the couple who had been trying to conceive for two years, to the couple who conceived after a one-night stand to losing the baby, to the couple who tried once and boom, conceived, to the couple who couldn't have a child and decided to adopt.

Two couples, that I resonated with was the couple who tried a couple of years to conceive and the couple who decided to go through the adoption process.

The couple who tried and tried to conceive and when she finally did, she found out that pregnancy was not all cracked up to be what she saw in magazines. Her pregnancy was hard! And she finally showed and told her audience the truth about her pregnancy. It was then my husband said, people hunger for honesty from other's. That's so true.

Why is conceiving a skate in the park for some couples and a gymnastic exercise for others?

The second couple, we find out later that they had spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on a few failed IVF attempts. The wife wants to adopt and we find out that the husband is scared and doesn't know if he could go through with it. But in the end he stands by his wife to continue with the decision. Not only does he stand by her with his support but he stands in the decision with both feet.

For those who have seen the movie, how I saw the movie may sound very simplistic or not at all what the movie tried to portray but that's what I saw.

At one point, towards the end of the movie, I wanted to burst out crying but I held back. I just don't understand.

Am I not ready for a baby? Would Adam and I be fine not having children? When I think of the responsibilites of having children, they are huge! But I've also have seen having children a joy!

Tomorrow I will be going for the infamous and painful procedure called the hysterosalpingogram, just to see if everything is clear in my uterus and fallopian tubes.

If everything is clear, why am I not pregnant yet? Does that mean that God's answer is not yet?